1-SEM-5

"my new thing".

2010-10-26T00:59:00.001-07:00

Foldin' TP at parties!!

frump.

2010-09-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

Mac attack.

2010-09-16T01:18:00.000-07:00

FACT:

Once you go Mac, you never go back.

I am such a loyal & attentive customer. I rep my shit. The evolution of Apple co. rules. They are starting to dominate. I would totally / probably will get a Mac tattoo. Datz wusssup.

Astute Mac Observation of the Day:

In Sex & the City, Carrie has a Mac Book & the logo on the back is up-side down. I don't know why it always makes me smile. I love Sex & the City. However, I hate Carrie. She's all like 'ohh, I'm the narrator. I'm conflicted. I love shoes. I'm a WRITER.' Fuck off. I hate Sarah Jessica Parker so much that I love her. It's basically Sluts in the City but whatevaaa NYCCCC.

The Reason I Hate the Word "Mac":

I'm a motha-fuckin' competitor. I played softball all through out my middle / high school years. That's right- softball, everyone's favorite fat girl sport, was my shit. I played the fuck out of some softball. CATCHER = BACKBONE. Not to toot my own horn but 'beeep beeep'. I went hard.

Softball is super dykey & overly aggressive. It's very vocal. Ridiculous chants. Sassy bitches.

The parents of a lady friend of mine, whom I'd been playing with for YEARS, were killer vocalists. Any time we got a hit & were running the bases, her mother would scream, "WHEELS, WHEELS, WHEELS!!".... I'll never forget that. Classic.

I have a lot of nicknames. I hate being assigned nicknames. Only a select few actually refer to me as Sara. Here are just a few (side note: not a joke): McG, McGuire, McGui, SEM, Cupcake, Crackers, McGeezy, Dingess, Noogie, Ba-noog, Sara 2, Hewah.

BUT, all I can focus on is the WORST ONE EVER! My afforementioned lovely teammates father, decided that Sara McGuire's personalized nick name should be "MAC". This shit drove me craaazy. It made my blood boil. It caught on for a hot second. It even progressed to "Big Mac".. I told you- fat girl sport. Years and years of Mac. Mac this, Mac that. Mac wants to stab you in the face, but you're loved none-the-less. Lady Jags for life.

fresh.

2010-08-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

Sweating (profusely) from moving 5,000 books::

CLEAN:: from taking my very first shower in the new apt (slash I'm not naked).

new dwelling.

2010-08-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

We know.

We're the shit.

ALZ & SEM FOREVER.

yezzz.

2010-08-10T18:02:00.001-07:00

Started writing again. Feels good; feels real good.

longgg over-due

2010-07-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

J-fuckface-J,

eat a dick, wash it down with some dr. pepper, & mind your own fucking business. pussy.

Sincerely,

SEM

FUCK COLLEGE!

2010-07-26T16:35:00.001-07:00

datz what up

2010-07-26T12:27:00.001-07:00

2010-07-20T07:13:00.001-07:00

tiz-ight

2010-07-19T13:34:00.001-07:00

Sketch of Voronoi - wonderfl build flash online

I'm so amazing.

2010-07-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

DyKeZ -R- uS!

2010-07-13T22:50:00.001-07:00

"NACHO-NACHO PITCH. YOU DIDN'T SWING 'CAUSE IT'S NACHO PITCH"

Can't wait to re-live the glory days with Ms. Bethany Susan Boomer this Saturday!

.

2010-07-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

Clearly, this is an accurate representation of who I REALLY am.

duh

2010-07-07T15:12:00.000-07:00

schmexercise.

2010-07-05T19:23:00.001-07:00

The other day I was at the gym on the bike, reading. A quasi-attractive man got onto the bike next to me. He was bumpin' the Postal Service with a smile on his face, whilst bobbing his head. Nostalgia.

P!NK

2010-07-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

"I don't think imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... I think it's annoying"

shiiit

2010-07-03T01:13:00.001-07:00

511,000

Minutes

Maybe I need Marijuana rehab?
Take the Quiz | Marijuana Addiction | Drug Rehab

life motto.

2010-06-30T15:55:00.001-07:00

PRIDE.

2010-06-30T15:16:00.001-07:00

Went to Chicago Pride this weekend to show my love & support. Got to see my very best friends & had a wonderful time!

Phillip & I were 90's as fuck & bought a disposable camera- enjoy!

srsly.

2010-06-23T19:23:00.001-07:00

fucking amazing.

2010-06-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

1. 2. 3. 4.

2010-06-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

1. This video is the SHIT!

2. After months & months of feeling like an absolute shit-storm, I am doing wonderful.

3. I love my friends. I love learning. I love love love love love.

4. There is no # 4.

Peace out mother fuck-fucks!

texas tiny pig.

2010-06-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

as previously state on this web-log... I want a Texas Tiny Pig. Mark my words-- by this time next year, I will have one. Get jealous.

baba brinkman.

2010-06-13T00:38:00.000-07:00

blinking cursor.

2010-06-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to write but I feel like writing. wah wah wahhhh. I shall be starting on a new design project this week. It will be updated daily. You will be impressed- promise.

I think the new Eminem cd is legit. Don't judge me. I hate when people refer to things as "guilty pleasures". Fuck that. I do not have guilty pleasures. I never feel "guilty" about anything I like... because I like it. It's on par with "regret". Regrets are worthless.

from Ohio

2010-06-10T22:18:00.001-07:00

MC

2010-06-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

"I think everyone should go on my diet. It's called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is, is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say "Fuck it" and I eat it. You have to do it 6 times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program."

10/17/10 @ the Fillmore. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

countdown.

2010-06-09T13:15:00.001-07:00

August 14th- Off probation!

August 15th- Twenty-Second birthday!

August 16th- Weeds season 6!

Rock & fuckin' ROLL BABY

ak3

2010-06-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

remembering every scar as a valid reason for every drink & a new tattoo is a new reason to think

313

2010-06-09T10:28:00.001-07:00

I'm excited to spend the weekend in da mitten!

$$$

2010-06-07T14:50:00.001-07:00

National City is now PNC.

PNC = "Post-National City"

(I know that isn't really what the acronym stands for but whatever, who cares.)

VW.

2010-06-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

The VW Beetle.

Originally conceived as a kind of propagandistic challenge to America's ability to provide automotive transport to the common person, the Volkswagen, or "people's wagon," was Adolf Hitler's answer to the Model T. It was expressly designed to connote the superiority of the Third Reich and to be a symbol of Germany's triumphant entry to the center of world power and prosperity.

The defeat of Nazi Germany put a swift end to that significance, and when the VW Beetle first appeared in American showrooms in the 1950s, its meaning changed accordingly. During an era of postwar prosperity when U.S. automobiles, the biggest and gaudiest on earth, were signifiers of American affluence, the humble Beetle was a car for the prudent and the penny-pinching. One of the first subcompact "economy cars," the VW Beetle, with its under one-thousand-dollar price tag, served as a kind of reverse status symbol, identifying its owner as someone who didn't have a lot of money to spend. Realizing this, the advertisers for the VW decided to make a virtue of necessity, and so used humor to market their product as a homely but sensible alternative in a marketplace of tail-finned extravagance and status sedans.

This humor, and the low cost of the Beetle, contributed to the next stage of the VWs semiotic history, which intersected with the rise of the sixties youth culture. For then the Beetle, along with its wildly popular Microbus cousin, became the car of the counterculture, a cheap set of wheels for freewheeling hippies who disdained the muscle cars, luxury chariots, and ordinary autos of the rest of America. Indeed, original Beetles and Microbuses- preferably plastered with Grateful Dead stickers- retain something of that significance to this day, mixing memory and nostalgia for many an aging baby boomer.

The Beetle disappeared from the American road in the seventies as the hippie scene turned yuppie and a host of more fuel-efficient Japanese sub-compacts (in those days they were known simply as "Toyotas" and "Datsuns") provided a more functional alternative in the wake of an exponential increase in gas prices. Volkswagen scrapped the Beetle and turned to the Rabbit, which has never had much cultural significance at all. But, as they say, that was then, and this is now.

!!

2010-06-07T13:27:00.001-07:00

I WANT A TEXAS TINY PIG SO BAD!!!

happy happy! joy joy!

2010-05-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

For the first time in 4 years.. all of my hair fits in a bun!!!!

2010-05-30T07:53:00.001-07:00

lately, I've just been feeling so.... stagnant.

eat shit & die

2010-05-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

opiate for the masses.

2010-05-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

" What did you think would happen? you spent the majority of the day surrounded by Christians- in my opinion, they were doing you a huge favor. YOU'RE the 'blessed' one. "

^^ my friends are always on point.

Dear Christians,

I hope all of your children turn out to be gay.

Sincerely,

Sara McGuire

posh as fuck.

2010-05-14T20:13:00.001-07:00

Was up on my digi-board-- jus' surfin' da world wide web & I came across these wedding photos.

I've got absolutely no desire to get married, but I'd sure like to snag me one of those bomb-ass green bridesmaids dresses!!

black is the new black.

2010-05-14T19:15:00.001-07:00

Today, I realized that I wear black every day of life. What a profound statement. BLACK LIKE MY SOUL!!!

Sara Mc-fucking-Goth, over & out.

bookz.

2010-05-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

I need a summer reading list. & I need you, followers of this witty & mind-blowing blog, to help me construct said list.

Here's what I'm into: real life shit. Usually.. real life, depressing, has the potential to happen to you shit. I don't like mystical things. I have no imagination & it's fine. I'm not a pessimist- I'm a realist. I hate Lord of the Rings & Harry Potter (Harry Pot-ahhh!) & Starwars... & Chicken Soup for the "insert something" Soul (I know it's not of the same genre, I just thought I'd throw it in there under the "hate" category).

Ready, Set, SUGGEST!!

hmm..

2010-04-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why TLC still uses the acronym "TLC"... It is no longer "The Learning Channel". It is now "The Little People Channel"-- TLPC.

I was also thinking that instead of "little people" family oriented reality shows, they should have a "gauntlet"- esq. show. The premise of the show- which bite-sized human can survive the melted chocolate-fall (which is just a chocolate version of an actual "water-fall"). Then, who can doggie paddle (because their arms aren't long enough to legitimately swim) the quickest to the other side of the treat-garden, grab a lolly-pop (all of which are larger than their entire bodies), & present it to the facilities owner- Willy.

Quickest midg wins stilts!!!! & a plack.

mini-marathon

2010-04-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

I can love the show & still hate Sarah Jessica Parker.

bullshit.

2010-04-26T13:30:00.001-07:00

GRAY > grey. If I ever decided to tattoo my hands (which I'll never do- no face, neck, or hands), I'd get CMYK on my fingers. I was thinking about getting "PooP!" on the bottom of my toes; the exclamation mark would be designed to look like poop.

I think it's funny that people still have AOL e-mail addresses- I dropped that shit in like, 5th grade (I'm in 15th grade now). Maybe it's because they're lonely & get really stoked when they hear "you've got mail!". Maybe when someone comes online via AIM (but lets be serious, F-Book chat is the new Instant Message), they hear that super squeaky "door opening" noise & get stoked / feel less lonely. If my theory is correct- they'd probably be really sad when they hear "dun dun".. which is a door closing but doesn't really sound like that-- it sounds like a door closing... but whatever, I can't seem to properly communicate this noise in written form that noise. So yeah, anyway.. Fuck AOL.

you know you're a stoner when....

2010-04-25T19:23:00.001-07:00

... you eat a crushed up fudge-cicle mixed with cut up strawberries, while sitting in your robe, & simultaneously doing word searches / watching Boy Meets World.

"Life's tough:: GET A HELMET"

M-T-Me

2010-04-24T15:05:00.001-07:00

If you're an avid reader of this blog or any human who has come in contact with me in the last 5 months, you know that I wanna be on the Real World. To audition you can send in a video, go to a casting call, or do a mini-bio / photo e-mail. I choose the later of the 3. Here it is...

Dear Real World Casters,

My name is Sara McGuire. I'm a real person with a real person body and a real person face and a real person life. I stopped being polite & started being real in like... '96. I'm 21 years old. I could be your bi-yearly "alternative" girl (although it seems it's becoming an annual thing).

I am witty as fuck.. I'm talkin' like, Gilmore Girl status (but exponentially more vulgar). I thoroughly enjoy alcohol & cigarettes. Coffee & conversation. Living & learning...... & Biking.

& all I really want to do is see my name in comic sans with scribbles behind it in the bottom right corner of the screen as I'm sitting in the confessional talking shit about everyone (to help get the "reunion show" juices flowing).

I attend Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, OH. Pursuing a Bachelor's Degree of Science in Visual Communication Technology (sounds soo official). Basically, it wouldn't break my heart to take a semester or two off for the sake of quality reality television.

Lets make MTV, M-T-ME! (I must mention that I'm really good at rhyming & if I get drunk enough, I'm sure I'll free style).

Sincerely,
Sara McGuire

Post Script- I'll totally understand if you want to bypass the Real World & start filming "Sara McGuire's World"

speech.

2010-04-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

Sara McGuire's most commonly used phrases::

".... get it?"

"Hey girl!"

"da bomb dot com"

"I'll fucking shank you, bitch"

"he's seriously a monster"

"ohh, fuck that bitch"

"that's gay"

I'm sure there are a lot more.

bahah.

2010-04-23T19:30:00.001-07:00

h8.

2010-04-23T15:10:00.000-07:00

I hate how every book is compared to or some how "connected" to Catcher in the Rye. Reviews are always like "it's a hit! a modern day Catcher in the Rye!". Get real. J.D. ain't no punk bitch & your shitty "quest for self-awareness, rebellion, teen-angst & alienation" themed novel ain't SHIT.

I hate when articles start out with really in-depth adjective heavy descriptions of the weather and/or scenery. I understand that both are important in narrative.. I guess I just think it's lame when it's an article about a band.

I don't give a fuck if you're sitting on a stark & dimly lit balcony, overlooking an abandoned park covered in dandelions & dog shit, and it's 65 degrees with a 40% chance of rain, and you can hear hissing cats & traffic, and it smells faintly of bleach & vinegar, and you wish you would have brought a fruit tray.... but please, tell me, the album drops on the 5th, right?

post script: I've been laying in bed for roughly 6 hours. "I'm so hung over I want to die".

Silver Fox.

2010-04-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'd fuck the shit out of Anderson Cooper. Too blunt?

DRATS!

2010-04-22T22:38:00.001-07:00

Why does 8 am sound/feel so much earlier than 9 am?

crunch.

2010-04-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

Sun Chips are the SHIT. & I think it's cool that they use 100% compostable bags now... Not only have they gone "green", I think that they may be trying to combat obesity. You're probably thinking, CHIPS? OBESITY? WHAT?. My theory: they made these bags so god damn mother fucking obnoxiously crinkly that it's almost impossible to sneak one.

Well played, Frito Lay.

dos.

2010-04-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

2 things on par with ice cream::

PRIZES!!!!

BEST FRIENDS!!!!!

jealousy:

2010-04-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

All I want for Christmas (or out of life in general) is Kate Nash hair. I am so envious of her luscious kinda brunette locks. She's got the "bruna-ginge" thing going on- it's okay.. the volume helps make up for it, sort-of (I've got a strict no ginger policy, minus SJM).

REAL TALK:

Because of the recently acquired influx of free-time that has fallen into my lap, like a fucking stork dropping off an infant wrapped in an oversized white sheet that sort of resembles that bandana-sack thing attached to "traveling sticks", I am going to start writing more. Writing about everything & writing about nothing.

One of my ex-co-workers sent me an encouraging "your writing doesn't suck & I like it & it has the potential to be read/enjoyed by other humans" message. The message didn't actually say that but that was the gist of it, the "Sara McGuire synopsis" of said message. SHOUT OUT TO LADY BAUMGARTNER- DAT'Z WHATS UP.. & for your daughters sake, I hope that with our prayers combined, we've produced enough power to help combat the mass media's effect on young females of today- teen pregnancy. Be preemptive- the "big guy" may not have been available to take our call(s).

Anyway, it's go time.

wuzzup.

2010-04-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

Feelin' the love. Feelin' the life. BOUT TO GET THIS SHIT RIGHT! (what can I say, I spit fat ass rhymes like every-single-day; I'm Sara McGuire- got game like fire, can take you higher; talk shit: get hit, bitches better believe it; drinkin' starbucks- you cut in line, you're STAR-FUCKED; breakfast for dinner, clearly I'm a winner, smokin' blunts like a sinner; ) ::end impromptu free-style:: & incase you were wondering- I literally wrote that in roughly 2 minutes; BITCH!)

Above:: 2 of my favorite things- pointing & blading.

Above:: what I'm gonna be touchin' tomorrow (HAPPY HOLIDAYS! WINK)

"I'm so high right now that nothing can hurt me"

high school!

2010-04-18T16:15:00.001-07:00

Holy shit-- I went to high school with this dude.

LINCOLN PARK –– A 22-year-old Michael Jackson impersonator could face life in prison if convicted on 12 counts of sexual misconduct with a juvenile.

Ricardo West of Allen Park was arraigned Friday afternoon before 25th District Judge David Bajorek.

He is being held in the Wayne County Jail without bond pending a preliminary examination of the evidence against him. The exam is set for 9 a.m. April 26 back in 25th District Court.

West was arrested Wednesday in Allen Park. The case was not heard in 24th District Court because Judge John Courtright recused himself and Judge Richard Page was unavailable.

West is charged with one count of first-degree criminal sexual conduct, which carries a sentence of 25 years to life in prison upon conviction; three counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct, a 15-year felony; four felony counts of use of a computer to solicit a crime; one count of child sexually abusive activity; and two counts of accosting children for immoral purposes.

Police said West confessed to sending sexually explicit and graphic e-mails and text messages, including nude pictures of male body parts, to a preteen boy. Also, during rehearsal of a stage production he was working on, he admitted to sexually assaulting the same boy in a bathroom.

"The evidence in this case will show that this defendant acted in a way that was deliberate, calculated and goal-directed in his criminal dealings with this child," Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy said in a written statement.

West shaped his lifestyle to be constantly around children, according to authorities.

Police said he volunteers with a youth theater group and works for the contract-based bus service Trinity Transportation as a bus aide for autistic children.

In addition, he owns SGI Productions out of his home, which is hosting a “Motown’s Still Got It” talent competition. Police said he was using the competition to lure young people.

Allen Park police searched West’s house and seized computers, cell phones, CDs, videotapes and a camera. Officers are conducting forensic searches on each.

West also was arrested in 2008 by Southgate police for criminal sexual conduct, but could not be successfully prosecuted, according to authorities.

In August 2009, The News-Herald Newspapers featured West in a story previewing “Michael Lives! The Michael Jackson Tribute Concert,” in which West was impersonating the late Jackson at the Allen Park Civic Auditorium. Police said about 600 people attended.

Allen Park police Detective Jeff Miller said parents should check their children’s e-mail accounts and cell phones periodically.

“Parents can also put blockers on e-mail accounts so their children can’t receive graphic photos,” he said.

Police are concerned that there might be more victims in the area as West frequently was around children and has been investigated for similar activity in the past.

Any parents concerned that their children might have been victimized should call Miller at 1-313-386-3872.

1-2-3 - mother- fuck-me!

2010-04-13T14:57:00.001-07:00

"SMC" can, metaphorically speaking, suck my fucking dick...

Seriously, though. I wish bankruptcy (or something equally as bad as bankruptcy, I just can't think straight at the moment) upon thee. Like, mankind inevitably destroys all of the rain forests & there is no longer enough wood to make shitty over-priced chairs out of. I don't know- just a scenario.

questions?

2010-04-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

Why don't they call an "ID" an "IC"? That would be the correct acronym for an 'Identification Card'.

How come after winning the Junior Goodwill Games (INTERNATIONAL!) in D2, the ducks only make JV at some wack ass prep school? (quack quack mother fuckerz)

Why do I constantly ponder the stupidest shit?

someone funnier than me (wink).

2010-04-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading "I Have Chosen to Stay & Fight" by Margaret Cho.

This part is SO good! (yes, I really took the time to type this entire thing out):::

"When people call me up, saying, "I have this script that you're gonna love. There's this part for an ASIAN WOMAN!- it's not really the lead, but it's such a great part. Call me". There is no way this part is gong to be anything good.

I have never had any desire to play a maid, a liquor store owner kicking a black person out of my store, a rude and harried waitress, a worldly-wise acupuncturist, an early-rising, loose black cotton pants-wearing elderly woman practicing tai chi in the park, a manicurist, a prostitute, a student in an English as a Second Language course, a purveyor of exotic mushrooms and ginseng, an exchange student, a newscaster covering gang warfare in Chinatown, a woman drawing my newborn baby in a bowl, a daughter crying with my mom over our constant battle between East and West yet finally coming together over a particularly intense game of ma-jonhh, a queen sitting on her throne in the Forbidden City being served a bowling of turtle soup be a eunuch, a peasant carrying a yoke on my shoulders like a yak trudging up Gold Mounting delivering precious water to my village, a young girl be raped and killed by GIs in the Killing Fields, a woman balancing a basket of any kind on my head, being the second wife and committing suicide to avenge the first wife by coming back as a ghost and scaring the shit out of everyone, or, alternately committing suicide because my white lover did not come back to Japan after the war, or having him come back for me and fooling him successfully for years and years into thinking I am a woman when really I'm a dude, as if my race castrates me so much that this deceptions is completely feasible, or a girl, barely out of grammar school, playing violin for the president in a long, black velvet dress, or a mother, out of nowhere, screaming and then sullenly freezing out my children in an effort to terrorize them into getting better grades in school, especially in math and science, through emotional blackmail and coercion, or a teenager, figure-skating in the Olympics and winning the Gold but never getting a major endorsement contract because even though I fucking won that goddamn medal for America I will never be considered the hero that I truly am because, no matter what anybody says, this is still a racist country, or a woman giving birth to the Dalai Lama, or holding my breath for over three minutes while diving for pearls, or arguing with Elaine from Seinfeld about her dry cleaning, or saying, "Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond," or being a hired assassin and flinging a ninja star, or sword-fighting up in a tree, or writing my Geisha memoirs because playing weird musical instruments and powdering my neck is so fucking memorable I need to write a book about it, which actually wasn't even me writing, just some old white guy who wanted to turn my life of exploitation and prostitution into some "Pretty Woman During the Heien Period" fantasy, or brushing up on those concubine skills, or going anywhere with a chicken under my arm, or traveling all the way around the world to meet my birth mother for the very first time, or eating dog for lunch, or being a mail-ordered for marriage to some way-out-of-my-league computer geek I have never met, or getting shot down and then rolled over by a tank in Tiananmen Square, or walking on some Jim Belushi-looking dude's back, or balancing with five other family members on a bicycle, or being knee-deep and pointy-hatted in a rice paddy, or graduating magna cum laude from Stanford, or wearing a lab coat and goggles and holding that beaker a safe distance from my body with tongs, or cooking with a wok after speedily cutting all my vegetables vertically, or binding my feet because that's what all the girls are doing this year, or wearing my long, silky black hair on one side of my head and a big flower on the other side, or doing a dance that requires me to jump over a sword, or getting off a tour bus and taking numerous photographs, or bowing, banging a gong or getting it on or considering Pearl Harbor some kind of triumph for "my people," or making the best of being an internment camp by starting a theatre company and staging a production of Anne Frank, or taking all my white friends out to a Benihana and ordering for all of them, making sure nothing is too spicy, because they all think I know what to get, or dramatically escaping from Red China with none other than Richard Gere, or arranging flowers or pruning a bonsai tree, or being a "teenager" in pink lipstick and a Hello Kitty T-shirt and miniskirt, or acting like I am five years old and pressing my ekes together while making a big O shape with my mouth in a display of cuteness that is really just another expression of the denial of my strength as a woman, which we all know is another way I keep myself from my own power, remaining a safe and ineffectually sexual stereotype, pleasing the status quo (see the third Austion Powers, the characters Fook Mi and Fook Yu), or breaking boards with my forehead, or being a prisoner of war or a spy of any kind, but obviously not a very good one or my character would be played by a white man, or explaining mysteries of the Fear East to Richard Chamberlain or to Christ Tucker- or to anyone, for that matter- because the Far East is just as much a mystery to me as it is to them, or letting anybody say, "What do I know.. I'm just a ROUND EYES!," because that statement is condescending to met and yet so true, in that, yes, you don't know shit, and don't act like acknowledging your own ignorance excuses it, and nobody cares if you can "tell us apart" because we are not doughnuts that you need to first identify to decide if you want to eat us or not.

In short- don't call me about your script."

I love me some MC...

2010-04-09T05:52:00.000-07:00

Mariah Carey shows off her surfing skills as manages to balance on a board while holidaying in Puerto Rico. Joining her in the water were her three dogs, JJ, Cha Chan and Dolomite. But it seemed there just wasn't enough room for all four of them - with one pooch seen in mid wipe-out. Mariah is taking inspiration in Puerto Rico where she is writing new material for her Christmas album, set for release with Mercury Records later this year.

1. Who names a dog "Cha Chan" or "Dolomite"?

2. How big is that board / is that bathing suit custom made?

3. How do you draw inspiration for a Christmas album in Puerto Rico?

DON'T MATTTER 'CAUSE I LOVE ME SOME MARIAH!!!

I love this---

true life: I wish I were a DuPree

2010-04-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

drats!

2010-04-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Way to blow it in the 11th inning!

whyyy?

2010-04-07T16:48:00.001-07:00

I have no idea why I have pictures of my best friends pooping... But I do.

fuck Henry County.

2010-04-07T09:24:00.001-07:00

HaPpY WeDnEsDaY To Me~!!~!

it has begun.

2010-04-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

OPENING DAY::
Tigers: 8
Royals: 4

HOW SWEET IT IS!!

fantastic.

2010-04-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

History Lesson..

2010-04-02T08:07:00.001-07:00

The painting below, entitled "We Can Do It!", was painted by J. Howard Miller in attempts to support the war effort in WWII. It is commonly mistaken for "Rosie the Riveter". It is not Rosie the Riveter.

"Rosie the Riveter" was a painted by Norman Rockwell. It was featured on the cover of "Post" magazine in May of 1943. Many attribute this iconic figure to motivating the 11 million women who decided to enter the work force during WWII.

All the day long,
Whether rain or shine
She’s was part of the assembly line.
She’s making history,
Working for victory
Rosie the Riveter

love this.

2010-04-02T06:27:00.001-07:00

Depot Town Tattoo

2010-03-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

Gorgeous shop. Amazing artists.

Love this shit.

Thanky thanky to Franky Franky for the tattoo located above this text. Can't wait to get tattoo'd again by him this Monday. CHA-CHING!

hellz to the yeah!

2010-03-31T17:53:00.001-07:00

props to my fucking boss for taking me to SONIC today after a photoshoot where I literally took 300 pictures of a "sleep sofa".

25.

2010-03-31T15:36:00.000-07:00

25 random things about me (in no specific order):

1. My favorite number is 15. It was always my number in any sort of organized sports (& pretty much all passwords). I am seriously obsessed with it; it's becoming a problem- OCD. Whenever I see any numbers together, I subconsciously break them down to see if I can, somehow, create the number 15 out of them. Signs. License plates. Everything. For example, 35 = 3 x 5 = 15; 116 = 16 - 1 = 15; 429 = 4 + 2 + 9 = 15. Whenever I do this I think to myself, "what the fuck are you doing?"

2.) My honorable patronage to Seattle's world dominating chain of coffee establishments (STARBUCKS) is absolutely absurd. If I were to have to pay for my drink, it'd cost $7 (I know pretty much everyone who works there, so I get hooked up). 6-Shot, Soy, Up-Side Down, Carmel Macchiatto.

3.) I am extremely brand loyal. Schwinn. American Apparel. Camel. Apple. Detroit Tigers. Polaroid & Nikon. PBR & High Life (ambiguous statement). Nike. Better Made. Swisher Sweet. ETC. ETC. ETC.

4.) Eisley is, & forever will be, my favorite band, ever. Absolutely beautiful music. A beautiful family making beautiful music. Gives me goosebumps. MARVELOUS THINGS.

5.) I love dogs. Pretty much all dogs.. but my heart belongs to Olive Anna Martini McGuire. I don't care for cats. (RIP- Blanco).

6.) I have the lowest self-esteem imaginable. Sometimes, I know it's not really my authentic self. I know that most of it is rooted from being force-fed mass media & unrealistic social standards; too bad knowing this does not make me feel any better. As I've gotten older, I realize that you just need to have faux-confidence in order to succeed. In one way or another, we are all actors.

7.) I love popular culture. There is no shame in my game; "guilty pleasures" do not exist. I love referencing it (I'm not gonna dis you on the internet, 'cause my momma taught me better than that; copyright Destiny's Child), reading about it, watching it (Oh you know, casually keeping up with the Kardashians). I eat that shit up. From music to style. From television to movies. From visual aesthetics to fads. From anything to everything.

8.) I am obsessed with rhyming. Ex:: Da bomb dot com. Sex, drugs, rock & roll : bitches, blunts, & alcohol. McG-eezy up in da heezy. I could go on for days- but I won't. More times than not, it is used in this sort of context: "Subway? more like SubGAY!", "Woop there it is? more like POOP there it is", "Class? I fucking pass". For miles & miles & days.

9.) I truly do not believe I will live to see past 30. This does not make me sad. I will go out in a blaze of glory. Live fast- die fun.

10.) I have the best parents in the whole wide world. They've always supported me- no matter what. No matter what. Every game I've ever played in; every dream I've ever had; everything. My biggest life goal is to make tons of money- solely because I want to take care of them. I want to pay off their mortgage & buy them new houses & cars & vacations; the works.. Anything their hearts desire. I want them to be worry free. I want everything in the world for them. I Love Jim & Pam.

11.) Everyone is beautiful. Ugly is only a comparison fueled by individual taste. Whether it be the way you think, or the way you walk, or the way you smile, or the way you love; even the way you stutter. Point being: there is something beautiful in every single one of us.

12.) I always say "get with the program". I was thinking about this & realized that there really is no program. Even if there were a program, I'd be too fucking punk rock for that shit.

13.) I legitimately want to write a book. Probably a memoir. I am a women of many words. I love words. Everyday I write down the dictionary.com word of the day because I want to expand my vocabulary as much as humanly possible. Writing moves me & if I can, I'd love to move others.

14.) I'm a total fag-hag. If I could describe my personality, I'd say I'm like a gay guy. If you know me, that makes sense. Gay culture fascinates me (in some odd way?). People always think I'm a dyke because of my androgynous appearance; I admit it. I'm a lady but I've got quite a few masculine attributes. It's okay. I am me. No matter who you are or what you love: I believe in equality; I believe in love.

15.) ********* NO EXPLANATION NECESSARY *********

16.) I love technology. I love all things "future" (even though the future freaks me out). It's scary but it's so progressive & multifaceted. It can be used for so many things-- for good; for evil. Computers, cars, cameras. Appliances, applications. The internet. ALL OF IT.

17.) I am, simultaneously, the most up-lifting & depressing person you'll ever meet. My life is a constant struggle to maintain sanity. I am fighting my diagnoses as "type 2 manic-depression". When I fall, I fall hard. I think this is why I've always had substance abuse problems. I think it is why I hermit & why I have social anxiety & why I do what I do. It hurts & scares me. It hurts & scares the people I love. But, I love making people smile. I love making people laugh. I love giving pep talks. I love making people feel like royalty. Even though I don't have any, I love helping people gain any sort of confidence. I love letting people know that I love them.

18.) No racial slur or politically incorrect term offends me. Cracker. Nigger. Spic. Kike. Queer. Chink. Dyke. Faggot. Retard. Midget. Whore. Slut. etc. These words may offend you- but they do not offend me because it is 2010. Say it aloud: two-tousand-and-ten. It sounds so prolific. It sounds so "future". I see us all as equals & I believe that ignorance should be translucent. I understand that sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes it cuts deep. But, dust your fucking shoulders off. I respect every single human. Sticks & stones may hurt our bones..... There is not a single word that offends me. Cunt. Bitch. Fuck. Shit. Pussy. Twat. Asshole. Bitch. You get the picture. I guess that I do not have a legit argument for this. Maybe it's just because I've grown up in a culture that has become so desensitized (& is getting worse). Also, I've got a potty mouth.

19.) Blood makes me fucking sick. Last year, in my theatre & film class.. we were watching Black Hawk Down (I think?); but anyway, there was this gross ass part where this dude either got shot in the leg or stepped on a bomb or something & they had to cut it open or off or whatever. Dead serious, I almost passed out. I barely made it to the hallway. I walked outside & threw up. I don't know what it is, I just can't handle it.

20.) Baseball is my favorite thing, ever. Born a Phillie, raised a Tiger. It means a lot, a lot, a lot to me. I don't really know how to accurately explain it, so we'll just leave it at that.

21.) Nancy Ann Knight is my soul mate. I will never love anything or anyone more than I love her. Never have I felt so close & accepted & loved by another human being (parents excluded, OBVI). I've never been so honest with anyone. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust her. She is the most beautiful human being I know... & we're not even dykes. LOVE YOU NAN. Sweetchik411.

22.) I love to design. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at creating things. I am good at compiling things. I know I'm not the best- I wouldn't even classify myself as good. I love print-production. I have so many ideas for so many things that it's sick. I decided that I need to act on my passion. I'm going to try to work on 1 design, everyday. I'm creative- I just need to wake the fuck up.

23.) I have terrible hand writing. I'm talking, like, 7-year old dyslexic boy handwriting. I believe it's legible, it's just ugly.

24.) I strongly believe in being good to the people who are good to me. I have very a tight-nit group of friends & I love it. I love making people feel special. Sometimes I get sad because a lot of my sentiments are not reciprocated; but oh well. I know I won't be forgotten.

25.) I've just written about 95% of the things that I could ever converse with you about. This took me like an hour & 1/2 to write. These are the bottom lines, because stone-cold Sara said so.

"I don't even laugh like this".

2010-03-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

Dwayne Michael Carter

2010-03-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Margaret Cho & Lil' Wayne = PURE ECSTASY!

Omage to the 90's.

2010-03-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

Me. Monday - Friday. BLADEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

I'm Sara McGuire & I'm a Mac.

2010-03-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

To me, the acronym "PC" stands for piece of crap. I'm familiar & fluent in pretty much all Windows applications... I just prefer Mac (by 10 fold).

It's about uniformity. It's about design. It's about cohesion. Progressive technology. Scary progressive.

Fact: once you go Mac, you never go back.

KG.

2010-03-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

I seriously wish I was Kina Grannis. She's just gorgeous & plays guitar & has a beautiful voice & is a YouTube super star & runs marathons. GIMME.

okay.

2010-03-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

I can't take anyone with braces seriously.

More specifically- adults.

eye candy.

2010-03-29T17:13:00.001-07:00

I've decided I'm going to start designing T-Shirts.. just because it's fun & I need to spice up my life [every boy & every girl.. spice up your life].

Here's a rough draft of a design I've been working on :::

DARK SIDE.

2010-03-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

Usually, I'm gracious and dismissive when I hear (or overhear) negative commentary pertaining to my tattoos. As I get older, I realize that being heavily tattoo'd is, in an odd way, a social handicap. I should get to use motorized shopping carts. Use over-sized bathroom stalls. Park between the blue lines. I chose my fate but I fucking own that shitThe HATERZ are generally the following "types" of people:: people who hump bibles (gimme dat Christian side hug, dat Christian side hug) people with dentures or canes or walkers or other old people attributes, people who dig right-wing politics. You know, those kind of people.

Anyway, here's a story (& it's not about a man named Brady)::

I was in the Union & saw a pack of lil' old ladies approaching. What do you do when you see a pack of little old ladies commin' at you? You open the door for them because you feel bad that they will probably be decesed within the next 10 years & they need to find a ride to the store because they're too old to drive and it's imperative that they purchase some Depends on the quickness!

So, I'm holding the door open for what feels like an hour but in reality was probably only like a minute or two. Point being, I held the door for way longer than you'd hold the door for someone who isn't carrying an abundance of brown paper bags, or two liters, or a stack of books vertically spanning from their waist to neck, etc. etc.. The second or third "geezer" stops, looks me up & down, & snickers in disgust. Okay mother fucker, it's 2010- get with the program!

Normally, I'd shake off the ignorant or situation & go home to discuss it with my friends over a blunt & a game of Sorry!. For some reason.. at this moment, this time, this day- I was just feisty as fuck. Sassy & brassy. Not the cool, calm, & collective infamous Sara McGuire we all know & love (or hate). I was like Mt. St. Helens in 1980-- I erupted. No lava, just vulgarity. I said something to the effect of, "I'm standing here, holding the door for your fucking gray haired, wrinkly skinned, ignorant ass. DON'T look at me like some fucking second class citizen. You're a bitch & I hope you end up in a home, shitting all over yourself until you die." I realize that was a completely inappropriate response & probably solidified her opinion of me as a delinquent, but whatever. I didn't (& don't) care.

I felt powerful. Like a winner. Like I won.

!poop!

2010-03-28T13:37:00.001-07:00

I'm going to get poop tattoo'd on my toes. The exclamation point is going to be a piece of poop.

yezz.

2010-03-27T15:38:00.001-07:00

Finally, the time has come. It is officially biking season- & I'm IN IT TO SCHWINN IT, BABY. Bike or bust.

Although I generally enjoy my job, I foresee myself longing for my beautiful bike all summer. This too shall pass.

lasers. barack. dinner/suicide.

2010-03-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

Today- March 23, 2010 marks the 50th birthday of LASERS.

Below is a photo of the lovely Mr. Barack Obama smoking. I don't know why it "tickles my fancy"- but it does. Probably because he looks so PYOMP! in that hat.

Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips On Single Serve Microwavable Meals

"We are aware that the purchase of a Stouffers' Mac & Cheese for one can be a cry for help. After 2 minutes of watching a meal slowly rotate in a microwave, people reach what we call a "risk threshold point", where they frequently make the decision to end there lives."

Customer Responses:

- "The tips made me realize that even though I'm eating gravy meatloaf right now, there is still a possibility that things won't always be like this."

- "The tips are written in a small font, so you have to turn on the lights to see them. But, that's better than eating in the dark again."

- "They gave me the confidence to eat my dinners on the lawn again so I can watch the cars drive by as I eat."

This is simultaneously really depressing yet hilarious. It sorta bums me out because I eat 95% of my meals alone (& it's generally some sort of frozen food).

wish-list.

2010-03-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

wish I had this next to my bed.

2010-03-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

KHF.

2010-03-08T18:44:00.001-08:00

Weezy!

2010-03-07T19:00:00.001-08:00

I see she wearin' them jeans that show her butt crack-

my girls can't wear that. Why? It's where my stash at!!

immaculate.

2010-03-07T12:13:00.001-08:00

Spring cleaning = my apartment looks like an Urban Outfitters and/or Ikea display.

misc.

2010-03-07T09:16:00.001-08:00

I arrived in the (almost completely) empty parking lot at 8:41 pm. You don't need a commute / faculty permit to park there after 9:00 pm. BGS-YOU can suck my (metaphorical) dick!!!

---

On a completely unrelated note-

this is awesome:

"she writes to the President, 'cause she has address, 'cause she used to live there!"

If history classes were really like this, we'd probably remember them.

yay!

2010-02-24T18:36:00.001-08:00

Fantastic weekend with fantastic friends. Love love love.

143.

2010-02-15T22:32:00.001-08:00

The Chronicles of (S/C)ara.

This is what love looks like.

Ms. Cara Vetrano,

Lets make pigs in a blanket.

& then snuggle... in a blanket (sans pigs).

You are a dear friend to me.

I am so very lucky to have you in my life.

Thank you.... for everything (there are a lot of things!).

I love you. xoxoxo.

Yours truly,

Sara McGuire

dictionary.com

2010-02-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

Everyday, I recieve an e-mail from dictionary.com. Today- the word of the day was "taradiddle", which means "pretencious nonsense" or "a petty falsehood"

That's probably the best word of the day... ever!

stop being polite

2010-02-09T05:25:00.000-08:00

and start GETTING REAL!

I am TOTALLY trying out for the Real World!! I could be the bi-yearly "alternative girl". I foresee myself talking a lot of shit in the confessional. I'll post my audition tape when it's done. muahahah

sad face.

2010-02-09T05:19:00.000-08:00

I miss Nancy!!!!

amazing.

2010-02-08T16:00:00.001-08:00

Margaret Cho is one of the most beautiful human beings in the whole-wide-world. She truly makes me proud to be a female. I LOVE DA LADY!

Soon.. I will write an entry about how everyone thinks I'm a dyke (side note: I am not a dyke).

eek.

2010-02-08T04:38:00.000-08:00

When I go to bed with my hair wet...

I wake up with Bon Jovi-esq feathered bangs.

XY!

2010-02-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

I wish I could change my facebook relationship status to "so single it hurts" or "painfully single". WAH WAH WAHHHHH.

I was hoping to have a short-lived romance with an attractive/single man at work. But.. to no avail. No prospect. I guess I just need to find more excuses to go out into the factory-- you know, find a young/surly working man.

I imagine that he'd only listen to Bob Dylan & all he'd care about is his truck. His wardrobe would consist of Levi's, white-tee's, flannels, & steal-toed boots. He'd smoke Marlboro Reds & drink Budweiser. Clearly, he'd smell like cedar. He'd probably use adjectives like "sexy" (although, for some reason.. the word "sexy" makes me really really uncomfortable). His 5-o'clock shadow would be scruffy- but wouldn't look scrubby. Just rugged. & last but not least- he'd have weathered, callused hands. WHAT A MAN!!

Just a thought, though.

dear Mr. Toilet, I'm the shit-

2010-02-07T16:44:00.000-08:00

got these other haters pissed, 'cause my toilet paper THICK!

-

I got tattoo'd today because when I get really depressed- I just need to do something that makes me feel new. I've got time sickness- whenever I feel depressed or lonely, I assume that the mood will never pass- like I'll feel that way forever. Sometimes I get so depressed that I can feel it in my bones (& then my bones feel like they've got osteoporosis). Too bad "naming" time sickness doesn't cure it.

Boyfriends are temporary; BIKES ARE FOREVER!!!!!

POOP.

2010-02-04T16:20:00.001-08:00

I seriously love the word "poop". I mean, I generally like all synonyms for fecal matter.. but "poop" is by FAR my favorite. Poop will never not be funny to me. ("he called the shit poop!")

Here are some examples of my passion for poop:

Everyday at work, I (discretely) write "poop" on the dry-erase board in the break room. Everyday it disappears & everyday I make GOD DAMN sure that it reappears. Sorry guys! Shouldn't have left the suggestive brown marker out in the open for a fresh, young, immature intern to find.

In my high school pottery class, I extracted "poop" in bubble letters from a slab of clay. I was skeptical on whether Ms. Gohsman would actually fire my poop. Guess what.. she did! She fired my poop! I then proceeded to glaze this masterpiece with a rich "mocha" color. That vibrant glaze really gave my ceramic poop the poop aesthetic that I was going for. (Poop, there it is!)

One of my favorite games is the "poop game". It's a game that the whole family can enjoy. It's simple, really. You substitute "poop" for any word (or part of a word) in any sentence/sign/slogan.. whatever! Here are a few examples:

- "lets get popcorn" becomes "lets get poopcorn"

- "Subway" becomes "Poopway" (& "eat fresh" becomes "eat poop")

- & as previously stated.. "Woop, there it is" becomes "Poop, there it is"

Some work better than others-- I guess it's all about your perspective. In the instance of "Ram's Horn", I think "Ram's Poop" sounds better than "Poop Horn"... thats just my opinion; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. or the "be-pooper".

Back to poop.

When I'm inevitably famous, you're going to be layin' around, watching VH1's "The Fabulous Life of..." (Sara McGuire edition). The man who does the british voice-over will take a short break so the asian queen of VH1 pop-culture commentary can speak. She'll be all like "she EVEN has "poop" tattoo'd on the inside of her lip!" (she always says "EVEN", like their lives are so fabulous that they you will never be able to do/have do whatever comes after that "even").

Anyway, they'd cut to a clip of me being interviewed.. the interviewer would say "why do you have poop tattoo'd on the inside of your lip?", and my reply would be, "because I have a potty mouth! (& maybe I should clean it with some ORBIT!")

Yup. I guess I just really love the word "poop".

Peace Poop out!

you know you have a mom job wheeeennnn...

2010-02-03T20:10:00.001-08:00

- there are "Avon" & "Sentsy" catalogs in each bathroom stall.

- the fridge is fully stocked with Diet Coke, Lean Cuisines, & fat-free salad dressing.

- all sweaters- all the time.

- there a multitude of, strategically placed, Girl-Scout cookie order forms.

- you reside in a colony of cubicles. each one is decorated appropriately to help it's resident remember that there is life after cubicle (5 pm).

- your co-workers are constantly discussing their children's athletic accomplishments.

- everyday, you overhear the habitual, post-academic, phone calls made to their offspring...

they generally go a little something like this: "Hello dear, how was school? Are you on the computer?- You know you're grounded from the computer! Okay, now do your homework & don't forget that today is your day to unload the dish-washer. I'll pick you up at 5:15 for basketball- BE READY! Love you, Bye."

I know family conversations are "A-B" conversations, so I should probably "C" my way out of them... but I highly doubt that the anyone in adult-land is going to jump over "D & E".... & "F" me up, "G".

- you construct specification sheets which are pretty much the equivalent to TPS reports.

Lastly,

Everyday I walk by the complimentary donuts & everyday I open up the box. There is a subtle buzzing coming from the vending machines. And these vending machines light up the room. They light up the donuts. Decadence in the air. & Everyday, I'm taking baby steps to regain my long lost self-control by telling myself, "SARA MCGUIRE, DO-NUT TOUCH THOSE!!"

so, that's pretty much my job! peddlin' furniture for a pay-check.

PC

2010-02-02T17:31:00.001-08:00

I reference popular culture-- a lot. It's just fun & relatable. I don't really like to talk about celebrities too often- mostly just lyrics & sometimes movies.

I won't write about how Michael Phelps looks mildy retarded.

I won't write about how AT&T unmasked Luke Wilson's freshly acquired fat face.

& I won't write about how Lady Ga-Ga looks like a jewish tranny.

Okkkayyyy. Maybe I will.